Explanation: A student took
me up on my offer to give more detailed feedback on her most recent timed essay
exam. What follows is a faithful reproduction of her essay, along with my
notes. I asked her permission to share both in the hope that others might
benefit from reading them.
Dear Brave Student Who Shall Not Be
Named,
Let me begin by saying that a 5
essay is a good essay. A 5 means
you were able to sufficiently convey the writer's ideas, stay mostly focused on
the prompt, and produce some quality analysis, direct or indirect. But you want
to write a better essay, don’t you. You want to show that you can discuss a
literary work with insight and understanding, providing specific support and
connecting scholarly commentary to the overall meaning. And I want to help you
do that. So please take these notes, not as criticism of your writing, but as
suggestions to improve your written analysis of literature.
Essay:
In the novel Caramelo, by Sandra Cisneros, Celaya shares
her family’s story to portray the meaning behind certain objects, such as the
famous rebozo. Throughout the story, Cisneros speaks about the rebozo by
explaining its different meanings in order to demonstrate how meaningful it is
to the Mexican culture and religion.
Notes:
Your intro reads, “Celaya shares her
family’s story to portray the meaning behind certain objects, such as the
famous rebozo.” I’m not sure that sentence is communicating exactly what you
want it to. In other words, I don’t think you mean to say that the writer is
using her family to help us understand the rebozo, but that she is using the
rebozo to help us better understand her family. That’s what a symbol does,
right, represent a larger meaning?
Your thesis works, but it could be more
specific. You say, “Throughout the story, Cisneros speaks about the rebozo by
explaining its different meanings in order to demonstrate how meaningful it is
to the Mexican culture and religion.” That final statement, “…how meaningful it
is to the Mexican culture and religion,” well, how meaningful is it? Tell me.
This is what I mean by surface analysis.
Yes, the rebozo is meaningful to the Mexican culture, but how? Why? Now,
beginning with this thesis doesn’t mean that you can’t delve deeper into the
subject as you continue with your essay, to elaborate on your connections and
insights…but it doesn’t imply that you will either.
Here is your chance to identify one of
the novel’s themes and answer that part of the prompt that asks for your
understanding of “the meaning of the work as a whole.” What about the Mexican
culture does the rebozo represent? The importance it places on tradition and
spirituality? This seems to be what your essay is getting at. What if your
thesis read: “Cisneros uses the rebozo to represent the importance Mexicans
place on tradition and spirituality.”
Or, more realistically, what if you could go back and add that deeper
insight to your existing thesis? “Throughout the story, Cisneros speaks about
the rebozo by explaining its different meanings in order to demonstrate how
meaningful it is to the Mexican culture and religion, and to convey the importance Mexicans place on tradition and
spirituality.”
In section 2 of the novel, Soledad’s life is explained.
As we know, Soledad’s mother passed away and her father remarried. Soledad was
then sent to live with her aunt and had the duties of a maid. She wished her
mother was alive to have taught “her to speak with her rebozo.”(Cisneros P2)
The rebozo had several different meanings, for example, “if a woman allows a
man to take up the left end of her rebozo, she is saying —I agree to run away
with you.”(Cisneros P1) The rebozo in the Mexican tradition symbolized how a
woman felt about men and also represented what they were thinking. The rebozo
may also serve as a way to represent a woman’s relationship status. If a rebozo
is “knotted at the ends…” then one is signifying that she wants to marry. (P1)
Rebozos in this culture are not just a piece of clothing but a part of a woman.
It allowed for them to express their thoughts and feelings. As you can se, it
is understandable why Soledad had hoped for someone to guide her through her
beloved culture. Soledad had to learn from herself what the true meaningful
meaning the rebozo has.
In the first body paragraph you did a
good job of establishing the ways that women used rebozos to communicate, and
you also explain that because Soledad lost her mother at a young age she had no
one to teach her these things. Good, now go further. Elaborate on the idea that
Soledad had no one to pass on to her these important cultural traditions.
Relate the symbol of the unfinished rebozo as a representation of Soledad’s
unfinished cultural education.
In section 3, Celaya feels empty and lonely after being
abandoned in Mexico by her ex lover. After she gives her all to him, she gets
dumped and decides to go to the church. She never really was a true Catholic
and states, “The religion part can go out the window,” but she did believe in,
“the power of la fe.” (P2) In the Mexican culture, religion plays a huge role.
Most Mexicans are Catholic and believe in God, Celaya and her family, however,
did not attend church but did believe in God. After Celaya witnesses several
needy causes at the church, she states, “Each and every person connected to me,
and me connected to them, like the strands of a rebozo.” (Cisneros P2) The
strands of a rebozo are used to explain how emotionally connected Celaya felt
to everyone else. She realized how everyone goes through problems and are all
united in one way, thus uses an analogy of the rebozo to further explain. The
rebozo also symbolizes the unity of the people. After all, the rebozo is part
of a person’s life.
Also, in the second body paragraph you do
a good job of explaining how the threads of the rebozo are a symbol of the
spiritual connection that exists between all of us, but you missed a chance to
connect the two ideas: Soledad’s isolation and disconnect from the power and
guidance of tradition, and Celaya’s spiritual discovery and reconnection with
that same tradition—a metaphorical completion of the unfinished rebozo.
The impact the rebozo has in the story is huge, since it
is mentioned consecutively to demonstrate how important it is to the Mexican
household. The rebozo not only
symbolizes a woman’s mind but also portrays how humans may change a person’s
life.
Additional notes on the thesis:
Someone recently asked me in class if I
was looking for a more “open” or more “closed” thesis. Well, with analysis
papers such as the ones you are being asked to write, I recommend the
specificity of a “closed” thesis every time. That being said, I have seen
“open” analysis theses that led to great papers, but they are riskier to write.
An example of an open thesis for your
paper might sound something like: “For Celaya, the rebozo is a metaphorical
completion of her grandmother’s unfinished childhood.”
A more “closed” presentation of those
same ideas might be: “Cisneros uses Soledad’s unfinished rebozo as a symbol of
Celaya’s spiritual self-discovery and reconnection with her Mexican tradition.”
See the difference? Although it is less
specific, the “open” thesis seems to suggest some very insightful analysis. The
“closed” thesis though, states its case more completely and directly, providing
the writer’s main insights upfront.
That is why I urge my students to begin
with a complete and specific thesis, because I want them to know exactly where
they are going as they begin to write. This is by no means the only, or best,
way to write analysis essays; however, in the case of the timed essay, I
believe it will prove the most successful.
Hope this helps.
