Essay Exam #1: Read, Analyze, Plan, Write

Overall, the scores were not bad for our first essay exam of the year. Looking at the combined results of all three classes, here’s how we did:

Possible Scores:	Overall Results:
9/8	4
7/6	19
5	28
4/3	24
2/1	1

What do the scores mean?

Essays scoring 6 and above are considered upper papers. An 8 or 9 paper is especially impressive because the writer has produced analysis that is both insightful and well reasoned, with specific support and scholarly commentary…all in less than an hour.

Essays scoring a 5 are considered middle papers. In other words, these papers get the job done…but barely.

Essays scoring 4 or less are considered lower papers. They didn’t get the job done. Usually, this is because they did not answer both aspects of the prompt, or were not sufficiently analytical, or were considerably underdeveloped.

On timed essays, minor mistakes are often overlooked; however, too many errors in grammar and mechanics cannot help but distract from meaning and hinder a writer’s ability to communicate a response.

Now, I will discuss some overall strengths and weaknesses of the essays.

While the 7 and 6 papers may have been less consistently developed, precise, or insightful in their reasoning and support than the 8 papers, all of the upper papers, to various degrees, demonstrated the writer’s ability to discuss a work with insight and understanding. This is what we do in AP Literature, so these writers should be very proud of themselves.

The middle papers had some problems with development, precision, or depth of insight, but did manage to answer the prompt and display some quality analysis. If you wrote a middle paper, you have the foundation to build on. Your next paper should be an upper score.

Now, in many cases, students with lower scores began with very strong papers that, had there been more time, would surely have scored in the upper ranges. Many of these papers contained quality analysis; however, it was inconsistent or incomplete. Still, this is reassuring to me because these writers displayed the analytical skills necessary to write a successful paper, they just need to work on speeding up the process.

An essay of this type is asking for two things:

ONE: A close reading of the passage provided, requiring an analysis of the writer’s specific choices—in this case, characterization:

• How does the author characterize this person, directly, indirectly, by comparison (foil), etc.?
• What is motivating this character’s choices in the story? What did you discover about them, your main insight?

TWO: A broader discussion of the novel’s themes as they relate to those specifics in the passage.

For example:

• What does Claudia’s need to destroy blonde, blue-eyed dolls have to do with the novel’s themes of racial self-hatred?

• What does Celaya’s failed attempt to run away with and marry Ernesto lead her to discover about herself, her father, and her family?

• How does Frank’s dysfunctional relationship with his father shape his character, influence his worldview, and motivate his decisions? 

Overall, the strongest papers kept their focus on the writer’s choices and were able to analyze a specific piece of text, as well as relate that analysis to the larger themes of the novel.

And overall, the weakest papers did not completely answer the prompt and were mostly plot summary, and in most cases failed to relate specific analysis of the passage to the larger themes of the novel (or vice versa).

It’s All about the Thesis

When grading essays, I can almost always tell whether an essay is going to be strong or weak just by reading the first paragraph. Which makes sense, of course, because if the writer knows where he or she is going with the essay then so will the reader; and vice versa, if the writer doesn’t really know where he or she is going then the reader sure isn’t going to.

Consider the following three thesis statements. Each is clear, focused, compelling, and contestable (if it can’t be contested, then it doesn’t contain an opinion, and if it offers no opinion, then it isn’t a thesis).

Claudia learns to hate these baby dolls and little white girls because she refuses to conform to society’s idea being forced on her, that white equals beauty and black equals ugly.  (Hilary Penalber)

In this specific scene the author presents Frank as a young child who throughout the passage develops into an educated young child, showcasing the influence of poverty and alcoholism on his path to education. (Dulce Lucero)

The complexity of Claudia’s character development is characterized by her vendetta against blue-eyed dolls, in which Morrison establishes a major theme of racism: resistance to it. (Claudia Nava)

Each of these writers knows what they will be writing about. Each thesis statement lets me know they will be relating specific analysis of the passage to the larger themes of the novel.

Now consider these example thesis statements [with my commentary].

The author’s development of Celaya’s character in a way can be communicated through some of the novel’s underlying topics and themes [Which topics? What themes? Be more specific, please.].

Throughout the novel, Cisneros expresses the feelings [How does she express them?] that Celaya feels [What does she feel?] and how her own actions are changing her as a person [Changing how? The word “change” requires a “from/to” statement? She changed from what to what?].

Frank McCourt develops Francis’s character through the use of first-person, which gives the character more depth and allows the reader to understand his reasoning [What reasoning? What should we understand about it? Tell us, please.].

None of these statements offer enough specific insight to let me know what they will be about. And maybe, at this point in their essays, these writers don’t really know what their essays were going to be about either.

Writing is always an act of discovery…always. However, not all essays are literary analysis papers written under the pressure of a ticking time bomb. And even though you will discover more than you thought you knew as you write one of these timed essays, you really cannot afford to begin writing without some kind of plan…there just isn’t enough time.

For the most part, people with strong essays had a clear, if not always precise, thesis that addressed the prompt. Included in almost all of the top papers was evidence that the student planned before writing. Time spent planning is absolutely crucial to writing this kind of timed essay: draft a thesis before you start writing, even if it takes you fifteen or twenty minutes to do it (don’t worry, we’ll get that down to five minutes by the end of the year).

Now lets look at some examples of actual analysis.

This essay exam had two parts: The first was to analyze the author’s development of a character in a specific piece of text, and the second was to relate that analysis to the larger themes of the novel.

The following excerpts are examples of analysis taken from some of your essays that demonstrate a successful examination of the passage and of the novel as a whole.

On The Bluest Eye:

The standards of beauty that are impressed upon Claudia elicit violence but also develop her psyche. Claudia had in fact realized that she was to “find beauty” that “had escaped her”; an unattainable beauty which would define and prove her worth to society. (Angelica De La Torre)

Morrison has Claudia hate “those round moronic eyes, the pancake face, and orange worm hair” dolls to display that Claudia is different and wants to reject what others want her to like. This is important because she is trying to be independent from other views and it also shows how her mind is warped by the ideas implanted by her parents and society. (Jesus Zavala)

When Claudia adds, “I could not love it. But I could examine it to see what it was hat all the world said was lovable,” the audience pulls together the fact that Claudia hates the dolls because of their white appearance. This ties into the novel’s theme surrounding racism and beauty. Claudia fails to love the dolls because she dislikes that society favors someone who looks more like her doll than herself. (Rocio Hernandez)

On Caramelo:

Father may have been too staunch in his statement that Lala would be “less than a dog” if she “left home without a husband,” because he is not expecting her to actually get married so soon. Although he laid out the aforementioned condition, he is still so distraught at her decision because he is not ready to let her go. Lala understands this and although she verbally wants to express how sorry she is and how she “didn’t mean to hurt [him],” she cannot bring herself to say it because it would be in verbal conflict with her internal true sentiment of wanting to leave and become independent. (Simon Moore)

Inocencio and Soledad (father and grandmother) each had sex at a young age without being married despite preaching that they the family of Reyes “are not dogs.” Similarly, Celaya had sex at a young age out of wedlock and once more broke the familial quote, “we are not dogs.” In addition to her family affecting the form and shape that her identity will take, Celaya’s love experience also shapes who she is. In this chapter Celaya imagines her grandmother telling her, “Foolish girl! Your father loves you, and you choose to leave! I would never abandon someone who loves me.” (Andrea Zaragoza)

The grandmother’s character, indeed, is a major entity in the novel because she is key to Celaya’s self-discovery. Though her grandmother is not present, Celaya imagines her criticizing her behavior, “I would never abandon someone who loves me… And here you are, ungrateful little fool.” Though this is a figment of her imagination, it is a perception of her actions, which she must recognize because it is her image of herself. Through delving into her heritage, learning the grandmother’s story, and pondering her own life and values, Lala is able to find herself and allow the readers to discover her. (Alyssa Caravas)

On Angela’s Ashes:

The beginning of the passage is used to show Frank’s innocence and emphasize his childlike manner. Then when Frank says that his “father is like the Holy Trinity,” it demonstrates Frank’s change in character. Toward the end of the passage Frank is portrayed as more mature because he is able to understand that although he loves his father, he is the antagonist. (Jocelyn Soria)

America is a place that seems to be full of completed wishes and fulfilled dreams. His father stresses to Frank that, “…some day [Frank will] go back to America and get an inside job,” and he’ll have a, “…warm place to live.” Malachy encourages his son to return as America is the, “…land of opportunity.” Through witnessing his father constantly losing jobs, Frank sees this to be true as all his life in Limerick all he’s seen is how difficult it is to even grasp an opportunity. (Jakelyn Alcaraz)

In Frank’s mind he knows right from wrong and feels “sad over the bad” habits his dad harbors, yet he cannot express this or shy away because life in Limerick is not at all like life “in America.” Frank is very intelligent and is equipped with a moral compass; however, the confusion arising from the variety of differences between the American and Limerick cultures is causing him to lose himself a bit. McCourt is establishing his character as someone who does not fully understand what it is society wants from him, but is beginning to piece together his fundamental role in society. (Jordyn Fuggins)

Practice this kind of specific analysis each week in your discussion posts. The more you write, the better you’ll get. Go past the surface with your analysis, past the obvious. Dig deep. In literary fiction, just as in real life, most of what’s really valuable, what’s really important, is just below the surface. It’s there, but unless you look closely, read closely, you won’t see it. Don’t be afraid to take a chance with your insights. If you think you see something, if you think you’ve made a valuable discovery, test it out. Go back to the text. If you can support your analysis with evidence from the text, then it is valid. Argue it. Communicate it to your peers.

Hope this helps.